Jason's Blue Haven

2004-04-18T16:36:00.000+10:00

i'm soo soo soo soo tired today.... gym....was so reluctant to get out of bed...must be the weather...it got colder today....but yea...it's nice to have this weather, in contrast to the unexplainably detrimental sunny days...well, at least to your mood, and your shirt(sweat) and blah blah blah...last day of easter break...need to get back to school like tomorrow....:-( just feel so bored...haven't done my drugs in profile yet, cant even remember all the dosage for the 6 drugs, i'm royally screwed now... heh

anyways, if you guys are free, have a look at my friend's page, link below " intonated" and check out one of the chics there...seen a lot of pretty gals in aussie, but check this out! she's back in my hometown!!! woo hoo...exotic name..heheh...my good fren there is just sooo infatuated with her....go check her out....i've got to admit..but yeah, she reminds me of simone though, when i first met simone....do check it out yea!?

well, got to get on with my daily chores now....or well, at least for today, cause sis is coming back tonite.... clean the whole house, do my laundry...all the boring stufff..yea...will change the outlook of my blog soon...till then...signing off...

2004-04-17T19:04:00.000+10:00

arrrrgggg....my stomach is sooo blotted, plus, i'm so sleepy...the day must have been so long that i didnt realised that i was driving around different suburbs the whole morning...heh, at least i'm getting my driving confidence back...phew...it's been awhile since i last blogged...got lazy and just couldn't be bothered writing about my holidays..they were somewhat mentally nourishing and somewhat a total bore....i'm having hessitation about work.....i mean as in getting a job...i got my resume all ready, but just i'm not sure how i should go around handing them to pharmacies...plus, it's a first time...a new commitment....damn....how am i suppose to say that blah blah....questions just constantly bombarding my mind...but i guess i have to take that step, after all, everything in life has its first steps... working....i've never worked before...all the people around me have though....it must be interesting...but then again...hmmmm.....well, i guess when school reopens, i shall print out many copies of my resume and pass it to pharmacies in the city....really hoping one of them will accept me...will, of course with a pay....i guess i have to start low, then well, after i've had some experience, maybe higher pay....damn...people say that it's a part of growing up...well, i guess it really is, cause it is a big step for me....not significant it seems, but it really is one...i guess, i have to press on, and give it a try, despite all the questions and doubt that i might have.... come to think of it, what have i got to lose?

just realised that the food in the fridge are in abundance....shit, betta finish using them b4 steph comes back.... and what more, school is reopening on monday....arggggg...damn....

well, it's been good being able to just let out some stuff off my mind...its been bothering me for awhile, just that i couldn't get it out....good good....anyways, signing off....

2004-04-14T23:49:00.000+10:00

the days are getting colder....what a no no it is today to say that....today's one of the hotest and dryest day ever in autumn...would have died....damn....anyways, spent the whole morning slacking around and printing stuff, running errands..blah....sleeping.....lol...have to work out tomorrow...feel big already...anyways, yea, brought amabel to caufield to get her com done....she's getting a new com by sat...wah.....well, spent the evening after we got back cooking and eating...lol....then started revision...did the past years for pharm chem and med chem....many many stuff not taught yet, me panicking at the amount i dunno.....like the stupid orbitals and the hybridisation....heh...got bored by 8 plus and decided to indulge in some doritos...bought a packet and the salsa...when we were about to start diggin in...we realised that the salsa was sealed damn tight...both me and am strugggled like nobody's business...lol...was so funny...we were desperate...i dunno why also....heh.....anyways, planning to go swimming tomorrow, then finish physio papers...hope they have it online...need the practice....anyways....gonna sleep soon...heh...signing off...

2004-04-12T20:43:00.000+10:00

i'm feeling a bit dissy now....somehow, the long period of time not doing work consistently as affected the way i have my long-hours study....went for a swim today....there were so many people, i swear i couldnt swim properly...40 laps as usual, thinking of increasing it to 50...it'll be a nice number....heh... so bored now....finally done with pharm chem notes....gonna attempt the pass year questions later in the week...gonna touch on medchem now...wonder if derek is still gonna come out....later he *fong fei kei* again...lol....nah ler...just wanted some time outside the house...staying in the house too long is so unhealthy...thats why i'm unhealthy.....hmmmm...suddenly craving for some nice wine, and a few shots of quickfuck....damn....must control!!! no..................i'm so sleepy and bored now, but what the heck, will do my med chem now....signing off....

2004-04-12T01:23:00.000+10:00

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y L A U R E E N!!!!!

today's laureen's birthday, we had a surprise party for her...but heh....i was hoping it would work, for the coordination for the surprise was pretty crap...all thanks to my bad sense of..errr... instinct? heheh...anyways, today's my last day of rest, gonna have to gear up to studies tomorrow, i ate a lot tonite.... really whole loads of rice and pasta!!!! :( i wanna kill myself..... gym in the morning...then went to cut my hair...blardy haircut at tokyo costed $40 bucks....:'( but anyways, gonna try out the dry look....as wei suggested...he's da expert...hole in one for gals...ehehehhe....just got back...and just cleaned up the mess in the house...gonna take a bath and have a sleep.....need it...get really tired these few days....wonder whats up with my screwed up body system...:P...anyways, gonna go bathe now...signing off...

2004-04-10T18:18:00.000+10:00

cold cold cold...wah...days are getting colder.....autumn...winter apporaching....damn....should be fun! hehe...i didnt do much today, went to vic mart and safeway this morning to do all my shopping..heheh...cool ler....anyways, ate light luch as usual...then watched sinbad....dun blame me...the kid inside me has been dominating ever since whenever...hehhe..william woke up then.,... and we decided to go do some shopping in the city...was thinking of buying those faded blue jeans...too bad...too pricey....but what the heck, we went to the new melbourne central extension and found ourself lurking in politix...hehhe...william ended up spending 300++ for a shirt and a pants...,heheh...i bought a shirt that was on sale...39... was alrite though....despite it being cheap...lol...anyways...juat came back from my post meal walk and feeling good cause i'm gonna lose another half a kg...hehehe...obsession you may call it....heheh...no worries...anyways...gonna find something to do...might just go sleep...heheh....signing off...

2004-04-09T03:00:00.000+10:00

heh...havent been blogging for a while already...no mood i guess...well, its around 3 am here now. first time in a long time since i've been up ath this hour already.....eyes are closing but talking to andrew and wei....andrew seems to be confessing stuff bout his personality...funny stuff...indeed the first day of holidays...i already feel bored...give me a breadk please....i went over to yan fey's place today...he drank till he was pissed drunk....not yet i think...just tomato red...heheheh...he looked so funny...lobster...we palyed games, had a cake for him...and surprisingly, met dexter there....what a small world it is.... drank alcohol tonite...felt rather guilty.....at least i stopped smoking...thats good for sure!....had heavy dinner and supper...feels like a damn bloody heavy day.....adding to the fact that i swam 40 laps in the morning...slept int he evening...and now yawning away...someone brought the subject up...gently...i have homosexual tendencies??...ehhehe maybe....i dunno...but yeah...i dun think of guys do i....damn...girls are still hotter....i wish i could get her....and yea...whatever..... i'm crapping now..sorry.... anyways, waiting for the reply from wei and satay now...heheh..signing off..

2004-04-06T23:08:00.000+10:00

i'm suppose to be in bed now...but i'm really hungry.....got up made two slices how bread with berry jam....damn....today was a long day...tomorrow, even longer....sigh.....six birthdays this week...broke to the max....heh..anyways...its been another quiet nite with work and yea...no play....i need to pick up a hobby now...its bad for me to not play at all.....damn...hmmm..whatever..two more days of school then hols will be here..! yay! anyways...gonna try sleeping now...nite...signing off

2004-04-05T17:37:00.000+10:00

woke up from today's nap, woke up from the consequtive two bad dreams....again... what's wrong with me this few days, extremely tired and feeling intensely uncomfortable from the more sleep i get each time i sleep. my biological alarm clock has gone nuts, waking me up constantly at 7am everyday, even on saturday. i feel there's something more to these dreams, something more to some feeling inside of me that has been supressed since last year, but the thing is , it's building up this season, this particular period of time...invoked by the songs that inadvertently altered my internal stability. i'm losing touch...everytime i seem to connect, i just disconnect all of a sudden. it just feels like i've been shut out of something that i desire for, something that i cannot live without....something huge that comes in a small packaging, something extravagance but simple in the way you receive it. these feelings started pouring back to me on the night i gazed up into the sky, sitting there all by myself. the stars...they are the source of the coming-back of these feelings....every time when i'm by myself, i always turn to the stars.... i look at them and wonder, why...why things have to turn out this way... immense emotions bubbled and boiled, but the strong internal me, supresses me....am i becoming weak again? weak and vulnerable.... i cry out and then i hear the words that express how i feel..........coming from someone i never knew would help me say these words....these 1000 words that i was silently keeping inside for some time....thank you...it didnt help much, but thank you for letting me know that someone can help me express my feelings....

one of the lines go like that...
in the gusts of violent winds, i reach out for you, but the raindrops beat on me, till the vision of you blurs, and you dissapear....

i guess, to a point of time, i feel that i have resinked into self-pity and fallen into my identity-crisis self... and feelings like that....feels like someone conjured it up and left it incomplete.....

2004-04-04T16:22:00.000+10:00

sunday sunday sunday....nothing much going on....went to gym as usual....increase my running time by a minute...hehe...no biggie, i'm sure the are other better runners out there....damn...after that, went out for lunch with tomy...met philip and shin yeu along burke street.....then ate duck rice for lunch...:( die ler...sure fat one...damn.....now just finished folding my laundry....gonna do some ironing...so sian..then i would probably go sleep.....sleep..speaking about sleep, man, i had three consecutive bad dreams this morning....woke up feeling really tired...furthermore my biological alarm clock has set itself to 7am....either that, or i'll wake up at around 6...why??? why??? its so sian....wake up so early....well, another thing that has been bothering me, my money...i need to find work fast...i dun wanna waste time at home doing nothing....wasting money....i wanna earn some money and get some experience....damn..... anyways, i got some photos...yep, gonna attach it together with the post.

well...signing off now...wanna go sleep....

2004-04-03T23:20:00.000+10:00

today was the most useless day of the week....no efficiency at all, and it was a total bore nevertheless...raed physio and med chem when i woke up...then decided to write me resume....heh...crap so much....i dun even think it's real...anyways, i manage to borrow a camera phone from farhan...ehhehe...one week full of pictures...hehhehehe...woo hoo!!!! i'm so happy ler....but anyways, first things first.... resume now done waiting for shan to correct it. then, well, decided to give wei a buzz....hmm... he didnt sound surprise at all...damn...he was working...what a bad time.. come to think of it...it's kinda weird talking to him...dunno what to expect...after all first time talking to him on the phone...hahahahahah....that guy...sounds addicted to work...thats good...heheheh....me better get work soon also...not kidding....earning some money and getting some experience is always good ya know....i'm so sick of doing work during the whole week, ending up doing nothing during weekends.... working seems to be a good options....despite the fact that i have not attained any previous work experience...everybody has to start from somewhere.... well, i really hope that it gives me a good opportunity to gain important experience and well, some $$ that i'm saving up for nokia 7200...its the dream phone i want....heh....camera...etc...well.,..all in all...need to work harder, i feel that i dun have full understanding of my lecture notes....easter's a good opportunity.... need revision...can die ler...this is just the beginning of the course....hahhah... just now got so bored and lonely that i went over to the lawn outside law building to be alone for awhile...it felt so cold...i swear i got my headache from there....phew, gonna bathe now...signing off...

2004-04-03T09:38:00.000+10:00

just woke up today, and i had this sudden craving for the nokia 7200...damn....it was so bad till i decided to start saving money to buy it..heard its like above 500 and below 700....man...i want that phone damn badly...heheh...so i took the green curry bucket....of course it's empty, and deposited my first 20 dollars in.....man, easter, i'm going to be eating home, eating bread....save money so i can get that phone.....long way, but at least there is that motivation...lol....i need to find a job, well, wouldn't mind having one that pays me good..as long as it is 10 dollars and above.... i hope...damn, it's so lousy when you have no job experience....phew... gonna settle it during easter break, my resume and passing it out...gonna stay in during winter holidays, save money better than going out......damn damn damn...not fair......i want that phone....then mom can have my current phone....isn't that a fair bargain???? maybe i should sell my flute, but damn, i didn't polish it....bleh.... the only thing i can do is sit here and drool...... wei, i guess i'm gonna be in the same situation as you...lol....well...gonna start some reading now....signing off....

2004-04-03T00:03:00.000+10:00

just got back from sue and rozzy's place...hehe. the party was great...but i think i must have been too tired from the swimming...managed to catch up with maybelle and fuzzy...hehe....guess he knows what it feels like now...heheh...anyways, everything was alrite till the fucking bitch showed up....lost my mood to do anything....but well, life goes on....enjoy the food i could get, and then swept a bit of zue's cake...heheh....oh btw, her birthday is like tomorrow...damn....everyone is turning 19 already...ehhehe....but yea... my wish finally came true, farhan's planning to get a phone for business purposes, but he agreed to let me utilise it for awhile, now, a digital camera in my hands, i feeel the power and the ability to capture what i want in a still moment, while savouring it for as much as i wanted to....but well, under one condition, heheh.mustn't scratch the phone...hehe...i think i should be able to do that, and hopefully...it doesn't get stolen....ehhehe...yeah, anyways, thinking about tomorrow is just giving me a headache...so many things to read and yeah, i wanna go thru the pharm chem notes, previous ones again..need some refreshment....if not..i'll just die....anyways, my eyes are half-closed already....should be sleeping now....wei still isn't online yet, guess he isnt home afterall...oh yeah, he's probably in some club...lol...okies...signing off....

2004-04-01T17:24:00.000+10:00

i skipped pharm prac today...was too boring, and everyone was leaving...legislation crap....not my cup of tea...but anyways, took myself and zi hao to melb uni library, went to study...by then both of us were hungry from the walking all the way from vcp... so we stopped by union house and grabbed some nachos, meanwhile chatting bout stuff like....errr...membrane potential...damn...i feel so nerdy now...eheks...then we went over to browners, manage to find one AMH there...cool, it'll be mine for 1 week....muahahah...we did work till around 5 and then we left.... then i came out a plan of division of labour while doing the drugs in profile, was thinking that every week one person does 2 drugs, then we post it on a specially made blog, privately, with password on..ehhehehe....it'll be good....we get updates there, and at the same time a tag board there to talk about stuff we don't understand in lecture...what do you reckon jeff? a good way of mutual learning..hehehe....i sure think it's a good idea...well, have to go cook dinner now.... the sky's so dark...so gloomy...makes me so tired and sad...but today's different, i feel so energetic now....going to cook, then play generals for awhile, breaking an unstated rule of not to play during term time, but well, one mission wouldn't hurt..hehehe...well, going now...signing off...

2004-03-30T21:37:00.000+10:00

sigh....long sssssssssssssssssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh....i'm so tired, and yet i have to push myself to read my stuff..just memorizing one drug now....damn amoxycillin..... well anyways, i went down to crown today to watch butterfly effect with zi hao, it was pretty good i reckon...one of the few good shows in these few years....i didn't really like ashtun kutcher, or however you spell his name, but the story line was just fantastic... and it was smart of them to throw in that chic, doesnt matter what her name was....heh..but yea, it was a sad love story, slightest touch, but well, that was the finishing touch of it indeed....topped it like the cream on the ice cream...hehehe....it was about changing the past...only to find that one you create a person, you have to destroy another one....damn.....it's like saying you can't have everything in life, it runs in a certain pathway, if you're meant to get it, you'll get it, disregarding the effort you put in. however if you try and try when hoping to accomplish something, you might accomplish it, at the expense of something, at the sacrifice of something, which i pondered twice and thrice, quite sensible indeed.....nothing's perfect, everything comes with a flaw, even fates have flaws.... and it's through appreciating the flaws that life turns out better...heh...dunno whether i'm making sense, but yea...very meaningful show.... also telling us to appreciate what we have now, for if it were not for certain events in the past, that you wouldn't be moulded into who you are today... like the step i took to come to aussie, changed me a lot, taught me a lot...and most importantly, straightened my life and my goals out..heheh...farfetched as it may seem...it's true....well, i'll get back to reading stuff...i wanna sleep soon...really tired....signing off....

2004-03-29T21:30:00.000+10:00

damn.....i'm so tired now...lack of a good afternoon sleep...now, i'm just dying away....and its only 9.30pm...i'm going to sleep soon....i'm just sooooo tired...and even during both the pharmacy practice lectures, i slept thru out...and that was amazing, i dun usually sleep throught he lecture...damn, better not make it a habit...very very very bad....at least now after understanding todays lecture notes thru some reading, i'm gonna start reading my drugs in profile....wanna have an early kick start....heh....tomorrow i'm heading down to crown to watch butterfly effect, better use the free tickets b4 they expire!!...nothing much these days....signing off...

2004-03-28T10:24:00.000+10:00

woah! yesterdays party was a blast! woo hoo! had loads of fun meeting up with all my frens....heheh, first time my birthday got so big!!!! phew, and guess what, the food was enuf.... but i learnt something, never make carbonara or attempt to make them through the packet they sell at safeway, they wont turn out!! trust me! and well, music was good, thanks to am and the music ppl, my whole house was like a mini club..heheh...met up with so many ppls, took a lot of photos...oh yeah, which reminds me....i'm gonna get the photos from those people...hehe, and guess what, got andrew, anne marie and lyn to come to...heheh... was so blotted from the food, and tired from the whole event after that..but the good thing is, it was the end of daylight savings! had an extra hour to sleep, cause all the clocks were to be push back by an hour! yee haw!!!! so glad i met up with everybody again! lidia and am even baked a birthday cake for me!!! so sweet of them! thanks guys!!! hehe...we had loads of leftovers...hehehe...and yeah, the ppl manage to squeeze into my house lounge, occasionally some ppl were in my room...phew, that was close! i'm 19 already, no biggie, but my frens really gave me hell of a lot of fun time...thanks guys! really, you guys made my day!!! hehehhehe...well, after that, the remaining of us went up to am's place cause my sister had to sleep for work today....didnt want to make a stay up trying to block out the noise...they sat there and passed the ice cream around....3 tubs, made floats with pepsi and yeah, watching daredevil...then shan came over....ehheheh... luckily we saved food for her.....hehe...after an hour or so, ppl started leaving, and we all retreated to am's room, i was lying on the floor next to am, while shan was lying on the bed next to nish. Andrew came back from clubbing, cause he said the queue was too long and he didn't feel like clubbing anymore..heheh.... whole nite talking for like 2-3 hours of crap...we were so tired that we didnt know what we were talking about....hehhe...whatever andrew said, i butted back with a dirty comments...hehhe...sorry andrew, i just had to...hehhahahehha.... what a nite man! a nite to remember in deed!!!! thanks again guys!! you guys are great!!!!

2004-03-26T19:03:00.000+11:00

woo hoo!! i feel healthy today! heh... cereal breakfast, light lunch and light dinner.....woo hooo....can finally fit into my board pants without sucking too much of my stomach in!! yeeeehaaa!!! well, another achievement today was the swimming!!! i doubled my number of laps i swam.....practically....40 laps!! hows that for exercise!! woo hoo!!! did some walking in the city alone and then went to QV safeway to get a few stuff....then i came back for dinner....plans for tonite? hmmmm...well, i'll just get the last of the stuff from safeway, which is just drinks...then i'm gonna head to bottle shop to check out the prices of corona...heheh...trying to get the most cash-reasonable one....then i'm going to go through my notes for the lectures i skipped today........downloading naruto simultaneously...hehhehehe....wah...so many things to do...better go now....long day tomorrow!!! signing off!!!

2004-03-25T20:44:00.000+11:00

heh...just came back from safeway...can you believe it....i bought so much stuff, for the dinner on saturday, now i'm worried that i might not have enough food for the 38 peeps in total attending my dinner.....damn..... well, but still, i think i got to face it.....not easy....then anis called me and said she's coming with eddie...not that i'm complaining, just worried that the food might just run out....and i'd get into deep trouble....oh no!!!!! well....sigh...need to think about something to relieve stress a bit....hmmmm....casey.... aww man...she's just so sweet!!! i'd just melt everytime i see her....and guess what, she was wearing the flower on her hair today, the white flower the signifies purity and innocence....and pure beauty beyond comprehension....i'd just sit and admire her and drool...wish i could get to know her...i will, but it'll be a lengthy process...being in college where there are so many locals, you just feel like you're invisible and that nobody notices you...i'm just one guy that doesnt make a difference whether i'm there or not....sad to say...but true....furthermore....brains are all around....i think i'd just drown in them....not good not good....need to work hard to achieve man...i don't want to be one of those dropouts....well, i'd make casey a motivation......my motivation to work, so that i wont get drowned out by the rest....and would be able to surface....with the brains....definitely geniuses are all around....i just freaking hope that i can do that...and i'll work for that.....signing off...off to work...

2004-03-24T23:13:00.000+11:00

epithelial cells, gap junction and tight junction....damn...this is getting heavy...what more with an ultra-useless lecturer....just too bored and tired already...need a break...easter's coming up...but i'm gonna be busy doing my work while everyone else is having fun....damn...i wanna join in the fun .....but its hard to....... anyways, school was stressed today, but i have to admit it, the pharm prac prac was good today.l...actually had problem solving....i was rather interested in that field....cool...knowing effects and don'ts of drugs.... but yea...full day 8.30am-5pm is definitely no joke....damn...gonna continue reading now...gap junction....joined by protein channels linking cytosol of both cells....whatever...signing off...

2004-03-23T22:35:00.000+11:00

man....today's emotional ups and down it's one of those extreme ones...during the break today, casey came holding hands with sean today....damn...i saw and then i was pretty down for awhile...like lost hope or something.....then...yea...she was hugging him...like couples do all the time....even so...she still shines with this luminance...and always with the sweet smile i could never get my heart to stop melting everytime she smiled.....damn....her radiance is just irresistable....when i was walking down the corridor today, i could swear she and sean were ficing their eyes on me.....and i was so shocked that i tried to avoid eye contact with them..... then they came in to the canteen holding hands.. and then they sat on the tables right opposite where i was sitting...damn...so awkward...i didn't there look up...it was so uneasy....and both jeff and zi hao weren't there.... i was trying to find something to do...but couldn't think of anything....damn damn damn damn.....then well...yeah....i was overhearing their convo....but i couldn't bear it anymore....finally stood up and left....well, after that, the event occured in my mind....floating...but well, since i'm so used of being rejected...this was nevertheless the same thing....however....during the nite when i was doing my chem stuff and talking to paul., i brought up the issue...he told me that he found out sean was gay!!! well...my instincts were right...heheh...tight shirt and stuff....really :$....but anyways, my hope came true...as in previous blogs, i only hoped for him to be gay!!!! he turned out one....heheheh.....so now she's single still i hope...unless she's seeing someone outside....well, things turned out the way i hope for it to....good sign.....eheheh.....eye candy still...return to the normal conditions again!!! woo hoo!!!!...signing off...need to do work!

2004-03-23T13:26:00.000+11:00

Depiction of a typical acsi guy. Hmmm....just too bored to ever do anything now....decided to crap just a little....well, acsi guys are smart, cool and sporty....hmmmm...well, i gess many people left out the fact everyone of them reaches a point in time where they aer just plain cocky, fucked-up and poser type. Hehe....don't take it to personal....just that many of them i see are just like that where i come to a point that i have to generalise. Hmmm...take for example...sunny from my college....well, one hack of a bastard, cocky face and one whos shuns out all other "uncool" people, how cool is that? or rather, how childish is that?? eheks....well, hmmm then i have people whom, i know, looks down at other schools, and say, well, they're never gonna be as good as us, so why bother? heh...eventually, they'll think that they are the kings of the world, living perfect lives and that everyone else around them is just pure inperfect.....damn them.... give me a break. Well, nevertheless, there are those nice guys i know who are only nice to people they know, and fucked-up to the rest of the world....hmmmmm...interesting indeed. well, they are people anyways, striving for the best, well, heh, it never will be...cause, "the best is YET to be" like illustrated on the ACSI motto....chill man....hhee, of course there are some excluded, some special ones who are just nice and well, not nice, except that they don't go to the extremes man....heh...some really fun-loving and blah blah blah, but let me tell you , thats only like a handful. The general population of cool guys are actually rich bastards and blah blah blah....hehe...tell me, who wears oakley glasses on their head like a hairband, except that that guy has no hair, and never bothers to wear them to cover his eyes...lol...even on gloomy days...talk about posers!

2004-03-22T23:32:00.000+11:00

productive nite indeed....despite my cravings for more food and more sleep, i manage to complete some of my revisions for physio....cool! now, i'm on the verge of dying....low on sugar....decided to give myself some cereals to cure that....its been awhile aleady....my weight has gone down slightly too! heheh....zi hao told me today that on orientation day when he saw me...my belly was bulging out...but now...guess what...its not anymore, thanks to sue and roz! gym gym gym!!! heheheh....gonna make it a habit and a weekly routine....healthy lifestyle works for me! heeheh...gonna enjoy my cereal now...signing off!

2004-03-22T17:05:00.000+11:00

ouch....my head hurts, and my stomach is aching....i'm hungry and i want to eat.....rice is cooking, and stuff ain't heated up yet....sigh...i wish i could eat now...i came back with the intention to sleep...but since charmed finished downloading,i decided to sit and watch....then tried to sleep...in vain....so i took my notes and started reading it, with hopes of falling asleep...now....finished the notes already...yet, i still can't sleep, instead, my neck is giving me this tight pain.....irritating....damn....tonite's work load is pretty heavy, 2 lecture notes to go thru....then can't do maths cause i don't have the bloody book....plus, i have to read up on tomorrow's prac...print tomorrow's lecture notes....sigh...wish i could have someone here to cheer me on and up....damn...eheks...it's just one of those days i guess.....signing off...

2004-03-22T01:08:00.000+11:00

a late blog it is for today....just came back from my walk....the nites are really getting colder....and well, workload's piling up...damn....things are getting just overwhelming....days so boring....nites so cold.... classes so early...at least i'm turning 19 soon....not like its any consolation...but yeah...i should be happy...today went by damn fast...was awaken by the bloody car alarm which rang for an hour...it was unbearable....then went to gym at 12....got my stamina back....good thing, getting healthier now....manage to tone my arm...no muscle, but at least firmer...woo hoo!!! then....met cindy in the gym...after that, walked back from the city....fell asleep...woke up cook dinner....so routine, i'm starting to think that i'm a robot....damn....forced myself to do revision of biochem lectures...managed to finish it at around 12 +....damn...then went for a walk....then here i am...feeling a bit guitly, cause i promised kw that i'd update my blog regularly..nevertheless, i guess its a good thing, cause, it's a form of verbal memory....hehehhe...well...signing off...gonna sleep now....

2004-03-21T00:46:00.000+11:00

hai...sigh....today's a super tiring day...i feel so drained, that i actually feel stressed...first time i actually felt the blurry vision of my eyes again...after the time in singapore....damn! anyways, went to watch something's gotta give today with amabel. the show, in my opinion was pretty overwhelming with mixed emotions and highs and lows....lol...just found it hard to breathe...but well, suddenly i felt a boost of confidence and self-believe..just dunno why....heheheh...anyways, met up with mrs raj today....in melbourne!! she was my form teacher back in singapore...ehhehe...walked a lot...walk until my legs feel like cushions now.....tiring that is.... i dun have an idea of whats wrong with my internet, or rather, my computer, well, besides running out of space, think i have to refragment it again.....so slow already! naruto took a day to download! what the hell!!! anyways, my eyes are getting pretty heavy now, need to get up tomorrow and do some reading to refresh my mind for tuesday's test....hmmm...dun seem to have the mood to study...maybe it's a saturday thingy....will get on gear tomorrow again definitely! well, i'm gonna crash now....signing offf

2004-03-19T21:12:00.000+11:00

walked and walked and walked...thats what i did most today.... walked to class, walked to the city and walked on the treadmill...well, actually, i regain my health already....manage to run for 20 minutes non stop....hmmm...stamina returning!!! woo hoo!!! then after that, which was around 4pm, i started fixing up sue and roz's furniture, namely, the bed and the cupboard...till about 6.30....damn....was tired, cause after gym, i was so drained already....but anyhow, i just pushed myself to finish the furnitures up....damn....skipped lunch, but took dinner, heh, my appetite growing smaller already, thats definitely a good sign!!!! heh, no more nites trying to diet without food, now just eat less, and exercise more.... cause ppl say i put on a lot!:( then kuo wei come and tell me he manage to drop from 75 to 58 kg in three months...thats a lot ya know! man....but too bad, his methods are not suitable for this study period, i realise without food, i cannot study....lol...i'm such a pig! eheks....anyways, i have a free movie ticket, but nobody to watch with me...sigh....maybe i should go for a movie tomorrow....heh...if i can find someone to go with me that is.... hmmm...thinking back to today's lectures, med chem lecturer was damn crazy, when ppl were noisy, he just shut his eyes, tilted his head up, and had this funny look on his face, like he was experincing a brief moment of unspoken pleasure/satisfaction/excitement...hehe...then i could still remember him saying that electrons wouldnt move, they'll just have movement...err...i made a mistake...man... the whole lecture theathre burst out in laughter!!! what the hell...anyways, thinking of going for walk now to aid my peristalsys...cant remember how to spell it....well...signing off!

2004-03-18T20:15:00.000+11:00

hekkkkkk....ahhhhhh....just woke up from my afternoon nap, well more like evening nap...took a bath and went over to talk to my sister, then i realised, safeway cheated my money!!!!! how could i be so careless and not realised they overcharged me by 4 bucks!!!! ahhhhhh, let it be a lesson to me, and till i find ways to cheat my money back,hehehehhe... well, gonna go read up on the Debye-Huckle's law now.... damn safeway!! can't believe it!damn! damn damn!!!....signing off...pissed!!!

2004-03-18T07:21:00.000+11:00

what would it feel like being chased around by a murderer, when he manages to convince everyone that he isn't one, and when your mother and father could do nothing bout it, being vulnerable and in danger of this threat? What would it feel like having all your siblings killed in front of your own eyes? what would it feel like waking up in the morning just to find out that you are depressed by this sudden dream? woke up at 7 today, and that was how i felt, lonely, depressed, all complemented by the tune from ffx, "to zanarkand"... with my mind tired from all the dreaming, all the ideas of trying to avoid the murderer at all cost, and trying to escape the inevitable...imminent as it may seem, i woke up finding myself upset with a stomach cram, and aches running through my back. needless to say, i wanted company, wanted some to talk to, and thankful to have found someone online... that was the least i was hoping for...my heart is still drenched and clouded by this mysterious feeling of uncertainty, security and loneliness...is this a msg that i should keep in mind? should i increase my awareness for something is going to come by my way?? i lay on my bed helplessly...thinking about nothing, drifting into fear, worry and concern, so many things going through my mind, but i seized, couldn't grasp any of those knowledge, and like a fish out of water...i struggle inside..... i need to get out.............

2004-03-17T17:07:00.000+11:00

8.30am- 5pm, how short can the day get? got to class and learnt bout enzymes today, pretty cool, got to know just one or two new concepts...pretty interesting.... then it came prac time, then we realised that all prac starts at 11am, cause they had this opening ceremony thing that i could just not stand it...was soooo boring, but inspiring....it was also a price giving ceremony...those who got the highest for the subjects and those who got gold medalist...made me look up to them, how i wish i could be in their place, but since in the pool of smart minds and intellects, i realised i couldn't possibly there...unlike my sister, who wiped out all the subject prizes and got the gold medalist....damn...well, it may be a motivation for me, but i would never want to be pressured to live up to that expectations, cause its just too tough....nah, i'll skip that...anyways, saw her today again...she skipped physio lect, but saw her during lunch break...sweet as ever... when she was running to the phone, i just fixed my eyes on her...guess she noticed, and well, she seemed puzzled... for she was wondering why i was making eye contact with her...then i just walked pass... sean, the guy whom she hugs a lot...tried to talk to him today during both labs, he is so freaking quiet, asked for his name, but he didn't even return the courtesy..damn, just like talking to myself...eheks....but yeah, nvm that...he is so quiet and uptight...i dunno. so tired now, waiting for sis to come back...gonna take a nap...signing off...

2004-03-16T16:05:00.000+11:00

short day short day! today's the shortest day of the week! woo hoo! but it sucks though, cause i have to wake up early in the morning just to attend one lecture, physio...man...it was ok...things i learnt b4...no worries, just need to read through once tonight...hehe... anyways, after that i came back home cause the next class was at 2pm...meanwhile, i spent my time going to safeway to get stuff for am, and well, butter for sis...fell asleep when i came back, went to see ivan, but he seems to be pretty withdrawn...things on his mind maybe, so i didn't speak much to him...anyways, just came back from the library info....wasn't as stupid as i thought. i found out that i could actually look up the internet database for monographs of medicines, their effects, types, place sold...blah....enuf information to find ways to posion myself!!! eheks...kidding... nah, just pretty cool sites with restricted access...muahahahaha.... well, i'm cooking now....hopefully the food turns out...eheks...signing off!

2004-03-15T15:55:00.000+11:00

TOTAL Infatuation, is the state i'm in....well, she was wearing pink today again, so sweet...but, she was hugging sean, the guy in the same lab grp...well, the thing is, she is always hugging him...sad sad....hopefully he turns out gay....then i'll still have hope.... i feel rather guilty though....fretting the whole time to jeff and zi hao.... eheks....i think they must have been rolling their eyes up and down like how laureen does...classic! but well,i'll just be the secret admirer...ehehehhe....tried to capture her photo to show kuo wei...but too bad, even with zoom, the picture is not clear at all! if i bring a digi cam, it'll be too obvious...dang!!!! too bad then...guess i'll be spending most of boring lectures enjoying my view....the way she smiles, the detail of her facial features, so girlish, so cute....man, i hate being in this state, cause you wont know what might happen, and anticipation and hope takes over, assumptions and pointless emotions just overwhelms....damn...heh...hopefully she's in my tutorials...either one...then i can get to know her or something.....HOPEFULLY.....:'( ...signing off...

2004-03-14T23:29:00.000+11:00

Woke up and headed straight to the computer...damn! naruto still at 96%, went back to bed, tossed and turned till it was around half an hour later...done!! woo hoo! watched it and headed straight to the gym, with all my stuff and well, my extra pairs of t just in case i decide to go out with sue and hazzy... at lunch, i fried rice for the four of us and in the end, followed sue to ikea to get her furniture...wah...sale here and there...just everywhere...nice tables...nice chairs, nice everything...then i saw this wooded add on...and decided to get it...well, it'll be very convenient for my stuff... but too bad i couldn't get the colour that matched my table .... well, besides that, it was great to be able to catch up with hazeriq after so long...i joked with him like b4,even the dumbest things...we just laughed it out like nobody's business....man....those where the days....well, it was good to see him again, also.. he also proved to be very handy, by helping out with the 17kg book shelve which is comfortably sitting in my room in the new position...hehe...now my com faces a diff direction....better i think...hehe.... anyways, things are pretty fine now, except i want more time to rest...i dunno why...draggy week....and well, started with my bday planning, a lot of things to prepare....i dunno how ler...but well, two weeks away, should be ok...heheh...bored now...signing off..

2004-03-13T20:03:00.000+11:00

heh...today...yet another boring day...just another day....well, besides visiting the library....otherwise...i did nothing....accept sit there and fantasize about having a girlfriend...feels almost impossible to me...after seeing so many girls that i like but out of reach...casey has been on my mind for quite awhile already...damn... then i thought and thought and started dreaming.... saying to her...*in a room full of people, you're the only one around*.... and then telling her how sweet she was, with her white flower in her head, reading the poem i wrote while indulging in my eye candy...and how pretty she was in her pink and white top, looking as graceful as the wind, as radiant and luminous as the summer's scene. her long, straight and shiny hair, gently caressing her back along with the wind.... sobs.... her smile, a secret smile that would just knock off anybody who's sitting with her... and things suddenly draw back, and i with it... i was pulled back into my seat at the middle of the theathre, finding my eyes lingering at the marveled sight of the beautiful white flower, for which brought me the words.... the white flower that blooms in winter, now blooms before my eyes, beholding a flower of awed elegance, soul-rejuvenatingly charmingly overwhelming... man..she really takes my breath away...i would move up to her if i had the chance and guts, just that i might be seenas a creep and freak her out... and i dont want that to happen, for it will defy the basic rules of friendship and sociality, well, at least my principles state that....man, i wish i hope and i pray, that somehow, i might get to know her, gently, then hopefully things turn out....:'( ...signing off...sadly

2004-03-12T20:57:00.000+11:00

today's a mentally stressfulday....had class early in the morning...at 8.30am.... physio, was quite interesting actually, couldn't be stuffed to cycle there after last nite's karaoke....and ...ta da....i drove to school, which was 5 minutes drive...lol....parking was free and easily available...heh...along the road side that is...then i went over to sue's place for the working out that eventually wore me off....now damn tired... in the evening, coincidentally met dexter in the city. he was waiting for debbie...but well, went up to him and said hi, chit chatted for awhile...then yea, wasn't really expecting much, but yeah...talked to him bit, surprisingly. but yeah, no biggie... went all the way to crown with sue and roz to get sue's cinema tickets. Was so drained of energy then, i felt like dying there... body was aching and well, felt like collapsing anytime. CAme back, picked up the charmed series from am's place and spent my sober evening watching my favourite series...hehe...william came over ....nothing much happened today really.... although, it got me thinking about girls as usual.... i made a point to myself....my girlfriend has to have long hair...heheh...:P...so selfish isn't it? ahahha...preference indeed...i've stopped giving in and i'm taking my stand, and get what i want the way i want it....hahahahah! well, seriously in need of rest now, tired...signing off...

2004-03-12T01:56:00.000+11:00

Heh, just got back from karaoke...it was fun, except it was accompanied by the astonishing out-of-tune melody of my voice...sigh...nevertheless, the fun was there, and got to know a few more ppl, and then met the karoake king - derek! he sounds so like Jacky Cheung...man...damn good voice...sang a few songs that reminded me of ern loy, like fei zao pat ho by nicholas tse and xi huan by leo ku...lol...a nite of chinese and canto songs.... heh...had fun tonite, but need to sleep soon, 8.30 class tomorrow...die die....but no worries, at least they are going thru stuff that i learnt b4...so no worries! heh....anyways, got to sign off now...cheerz!

2004-03-10T21:20:00.000+11:00

today was one of the longest day in the week.. well, the pharm chem prac was pretty alright, and nothing much to blab about,. except for the fact that, we still had the all-so-demanding Adnan Hazar....bazaar name, bazaar accent, but nevertheless bazaar method of teaching, or well, administering....weighing water didn't need much effort, but the achieving the tiny little digit, for which one small error might screw up your whole result, well thats the most distressing one. Well, it was a very much satisfying practical, i got a v. good from him, for calibrating the bloody pipette... and well, try to be empathatic, be me, and screw upi your experimental values a few times, thanks to the first-year instruments, a pipette with 2 holes at the bottom and one idiotic pump which half the time leaks air....well,it was a 2 hour break before the next prac, i took some time off at lunch and thought of heading over to the library to read some physio notes. WEll, initially, i was ok reading it, then i fell asleep, and was awoken by those damn bloody nossy honkies! what the hell, i grab my stuff and went down to the common room, all alone, and sat there, reading a bit before i fell asleep,...it was pretty nice the sleep, with the exception that it was almost half past 1, and the next class was at 2pm. Well, the next prac was pretty short, if you know how to cheat your way out. WE were thought by a PHd student, and fortunately, he was quick and down to the point, unlike Loui Roller. And we manage to get off at 3 plus, when it was supposed to be 5. the weird thing was that when our demonstrater talked, he had to fix his attention on someone, and in my direction, he fixed his attention on me, as if talking to me, it made uncomfortable nevertheless...but yea, i kept looking down, was like respect in Asian culture....(my little excuse)..hehee....after that cycled home and then went down to the city to sue's place, GYM time! met some year 2s on the way, larry and Genny. They were pretty cool, except that they were skipping class...but what the heck, i'll reach that point too i guess... hehe..got home and slept thru dinner...and embarking soon on to the biological world of cells...signing off!

2004-03-09T23:10:00.000+11:00

man, i just received news that my neighbour, their son, past away. My condolences to him, and hopefully he will have a good afterlife.

2004-03-09T13:09:00.000+11:00

woo hoo!! no more classes for today!...well, thats good i think...sadly, have to get down to work now... Anyways, today i dissected a rat, extracted the intestines, the reproductive system and practically sliced thru the whole rat....in the end just dumping it...lol...initially i felt sick to the stomach, knowing that i have to dissect the gigantic white rat...three times as big as a new born puppy...or maybe six times...heh...but yeah, it was pair work, so it was pretty ok.. So as we entered the lab, all eyes were fixed on the dead rats lying stiff, with their fours facing up. The lab demonstrator well, demonstrated to us how to pin the rat down and scissors thru the skin. he was playing with it like a toy...and the smell was so pungent...definitely worse than ammonia....:$... anyhow, when it was down to us to lay down our surgical skills and utilise our expertise in dissecting the rat, everyone, especially the girls were like...ewe...ewe...then some guys too looked pretty disgusted....i was one of them...until i took up the scissors and the scarpel...and started slicing the skin....initially, i was like aw man...i pity the little rat...then i went on, and got addicted to it...hehhee..cut and cut and cut, sliced it till we could see the abdominal region, without the epithelial layer..... the only thing that came to my mind then was....man this rat is fat! the intestines were practically embedded within many layers of white reddish fat...then we proceeded with the removal of the fats and intestine, and searched(by cutting around) for the reproductive system... well, it was a male, so we were nevertheless searching for a tube like structure...then we found the penis, scrotum and testis...cool so far...now we had to cut off the rib cage and search for the lungs, heart and trachea...hehe...well, it wasn;t that hard, for we had to slice up all th way to the jaw....and well, the bones were to hard at the skull area, so i couldn't be bothered...drew the stuff and left... it might sound awful and disgusting reading this, but trust me, once you get to cut a bit of the rat, you just want to cut more, it's addictive, very very addictive... one girl even cut off the rats tail and stuffed it in her pencil box...darn...hehe..egyptian girl....well, i'm pretty tired now...going to take a rest before i dig into the books.. signing off

2004-03-08T19:25:00.000+11:00

today was the lecture-ful day...it was damn boring, but yeah, manage to survive the day. Well, at least i got a loud "hi" from one of the lecturers...darn, he talked so loud, i could swear that the whole lecture theather practically stared down at me....i was so embarassed....at least ppl where leaving the lecture theather....not many notice...i hope... nothing much happened today...but pretty tired though, still got lots of work to revise, and maths to do..... oh, and i saw kacey today again, well, she seemed pretty...but will, it faded a bit today, she seemed rather rough....like someone i know....hehe...sweet face, but chor lor...ehheeh....but nevermind. i was sitting next to paul observing her...and guess what, i wrote a poem...eheks... imagine her as the white flower on her hair....then ya....heheh...she's pretty chubby, not really actually, but well, yeah, i can't think of a word to describe that..lol....during the boring lectures, i just kept to myself, and started observing around the same ol theathre, scanning the area for chic alert...but well, nah...then compared notes with zi hao....and well...yeah....both of us have different likings...lol....i think i perasan ler....but realise that there were 2 girls who were looking at me....one during the lecture, one during the break...but yeah, guess they must be thinking, who's that weirdo with weird hair and ugly face...lol...annyways, tired now, guess i'll take a nap, till sis comes back....cheerz...signing off...

2004-03-08T01:12:00.000+11:00

while i was bathing, a thought crashed through my mind... well, it wasn't actually a thought, but yeah, i was listening to some songs blasting from my laptop...:$...and yeah...it was a song about a girl playing by the rules, in the game of life.... then it struck me that...well, playing by the rules are nevertheless essential to success...but at times, perhaps we have to break the rules to learn a few things...abiding by the rules for our whole life wouldn't bring us anywhere, it's just like following the thoughts set up by other people, and our brain would seize to function. Instead of doing things in the so called premium way, there are many other methods to solve the same problem. Take maths into account. Solving a problem with one solution is never the aim to creative thinking, as such our analytical skills becomes redundant...for we only solve it in the only way we were thought, and what we were thought weren't life skills, it was just merely a way to pass the exams and obtain a satisfactory entry to tertiary education. I might sound a little bit crazy, but yeah, i guess, following a set of rules has its pros and cons, but never breaking the rules just clearly reflects the fixed mindset of a society full of wasted potentials, the future leaders. What more, initiating a creative thinking and analytical society and work force while having strict implications of not breaking the rules to disallow space for this skills to be applied is totally conflicting. I guess, it applies for the game of love as well, strictly adhering to a specific set of steps to get a girl wouldn't necessary get you a girl, especially in this modern hippy society, guess you'd have to break the rules a bit, and maybe things will turn out better than they would actually be... ahh...just piece of muttered crap...had to get it off my mind...off to bed now....signing off...

2004-03-07T01:17:00.000+11:00

moomba...at least thats how i think it's spelt...heh..nothing much, no biggie... fireworks invited applause and awe...but well, i just sat there sighing away...wondering how i'm gonna stand thru this...legs fatigue and just bored to death at the bright rays of the fireworks bleaching the pigments in my eye...i'm gonna need more vitamin a...well, at least after that, i met a chic from my pharm college...emery... she was at the cafe across lin contro.... sitting there with a bunch of decent looking and acting guys...well, the moment she called out to me...i blushed...i dunno why...but i just blushed and flushed... then i just returned the courtesy and said a hi back....heh..kevin saw emery...and he was pretty stunned at the kind of girls you get in vcp.... eheheks... then i was telling him about the chics over at vcp....he was quite jealous...lol.... we had lynnette,, kacey, emery and blah....on and on....until when emery stood up and left.... all the guys were like....180 degree change...make themselves less uptight, took out cigarettes and smoking away, like they were damn relieved that the two chics had stood up and left... or rather, maybe they're just trying to protect and conserve the 'good' image...what a joke... and i tot they were decent. KEvin, me and chris were laughing away, stunned by the utmost attempt to conceal their nice selves.... what the heck.... lol

2004-03-06T13:40:00.000+11:00

in my occupied time trying to finish off my pharm chem work, someone just inevitably appeared in my mind... i was wondering....pondering about this girl at vcp...she is rather pretty, pleasantly...and well...attractive i should say... the downside...maybe not much of a downside....she has the same name as my brother...kacey..or well, at least thats how i think her name is spelt... she had a flower which added a touch of serenity onto her pleasant, tranquil look... on top of that, i couldn't believe myself when i realised i was staring at her...awed at her soothing beauty....that she looked at me a few times...lol...must be wondering...why's this guy looking at me....heh...answers just too simple....i guess she knew... another guy awed by her mesmerizing look, touched within. Heh.. and who knows...she was surrounded by five guys...i frowned.... although i'm not planning to get into any sort of relationship cause i can't really handle it right now... work and stuff... but yeah.. this is how i felt when i was constantly staring at her... this typical hawaiian song came to my head, the sounds of the sea washing up the shores, so calm, yet so soothing... the wind blew gently across the surface of the skin.... and her hair following the draft of the wind....gracefully dancing to the rhythm of the wind... and the flower in her hair which added the extra touch of serenity just complemented the whole scene.... man...i never get these feelings and imagery when i see girls..heh...i'm evolving..heh..my mind for that matter.... yet, i was envious of the guys around her....but what the heck...i tell myself that i shouldn't indulge in such luxuries and such beauty...but anyways...after watching the 1000 words video from ffx-2...i somehow came to the liking of girls with long hair....not short hair anymore...and for that matter, kacey had long hair, long smooth shiny hair...with a flower embedded within.... what a sweet symphony, what a sweet eye candy...for now i hope.... signing off...

2004-03-05T22:59:00.001+11:00

well, today's a funny day...went for lectures in the morning...was late, so decided to drive there...which took approximately 5 minutes...lol....bicycle would have taken like another 10 minutes for which i could not afford...hahah...how convenient...anyways, went to city after that...bumped into vickie in supre..she was trying on clothes with her frens...i damn malu.... cause it was a girl's clothes shop...dang...after that, had bubble tea, and took a tram back home....well, who could have guessed that the tram was so packed, it felt like it was the world's big squeeze, on a queasy ride back to grattan street.... haha... i proceeded with my cooking tonite, and surprisingly, the tom yum turned out good and the tofu, i had to call back home to my mom and get the recipe from her.... ahhaha...sister said it was good..then after dinner i just dozed off on my bolster....zzzzzzzz... at 8 pm....slept all the way through....till 11 pm when william came over to fax some stufff cause it was urgent... when i was sleeping, i realised that i had so many calls that i couldn't even remember what i was saying and who called...seems that i have agreed to go karaoe-ing next thursday...sian....money no more...:'(....falling sick now...been sneezing like nobody's business....darn...better go take a bath and continue my physio....dun wanna cram too much tomorrow and sunday...signing off...

2004-03-05T22:59:00.000+11:00

2004-03-04T16:44:00.000+11:00

My blog design sucks....too bad i have no apparent knowledge of such ingenius stuff.... damn...how i wish i could modify my page to make it look damn good and professional... today was damn boring.... had lectures about sensitivity of instruments....followed by the world's most talkative lecturer... L. ROller. Man not only he talks like he's rushing for a plane or something....he talks loads of crap too...over and over again...over dose of irritant in your ear is definitely not what i'm looking for...beared with it for an hour or so....and he wouldn't stop talking until someone just said: It's time! then everybody stood up and left! lol...besides that...another accident occured outside the college...man, accidents these days are like routines already...whats the world coming to? sigh... well, off to lunch now...later chaps!

2004-03-03T20:43:00.000+11:00

All cells come from pre-existing cells.... how boring can that be? i reckon it's one of the most boring subjects that i could ever study, well leaving out physics though. Suffice to say, i have to study a lot.... well, that's the price to pay for taking pharmacy here... but hey, come to think of it, things are going pretty well...yeah i guess, but nah.. the only thing that sucks big time is that well, hot chics are all around in pharm college....abc's that is...well, out of league, out of reach...although i must say...that they are pretty attractive! never in my life i get so attracted to girls, and well, screw the scratching of the surface... there looks are enough to kill....my mentor for example, this girl called angela...she's hot!well, she is short, but yeah, pretty cute! Yeap ! Pretty and Cute! heheh...although at times she acts kinda childishly, too bad...i guess she's taken...and, what would a year 1 student be doing with a year 2 senior?
i guess age had become a taboo for me in relationship. I'm so old fashioned....daarn...maybe that's the reason why i can't get anygirls.... sighs....

2004-03-03T18:44:00.000+11:00

hectic days have past.... last two days were quite relax and quite hectic. The hectic part is when you don't get enough sleep and you have to attend a lecture at 8.30, what more? a lecture blabbing on about the cells and structure...blah blah blah....but well, being able to get home early is the relaxing part. Duh!! still have work to do..man...56 questions on pharm chem is no joke...luckily only this chapter has 56 questions...phew, getting through it is pretty satisfying....uni life is tough, and being a first year student doesnt really help much... Worst thing is today is so fucking hot! Can't stand it.... even a cold bath wouldn't do... physio....need to read thru the text again, forgot almost all my stuff...damn! it sucks when you have to do maths again...sigh...signing off.....

2004-02-26T19:06:00.000+11:00

Sighs.... this guy at uni, really intimidating.... he is absolutely intelligent and being a hack of a smart ass, feeds you with all the information that you just wouldnt guess that he would know. He knows things about boomerang, is a swimmer formerly national swimmer in singapore, speaks very smoothly, and has a kick-ass darn good brain, quick with hands and to an extent, pretty cool. He is rather intimidating, commands respect when you start conversing with him. WEll, truthfully, talking to him makes me feel like a total idiot, despite the fact the i still carry a heavy Malaysian accent, and well, sometimes what seem to be harmless, seem so hostile to me. :( Well, i am trying hard to fit in, despite my background of heavily influenced singlish. Also, i come to realise that everybody in the VCP is damn freaking smart! what the hell! i'm in for it, if i don't work hard, i'd probably just be one of the last ones around, man i need to buck up, this guy is going to ruin my life if i don't work ahead and hard! He has the charm and is smooth enuf to get all the things he want, including A'cing all the subjects.. he is just so overwhelming, man, at least i got motivation now to study! i don't want to be left behind. He is definitely one of the brightest person with a good personality, although the first time i met him, he didn't really present himself well, and i guess inspite of first impressions, he has surpassed all of the people i know, breaking the limits of being intelligent ( he knows things that even year 2s dunt know), well-versed, cool looking, and versatile in extremely any conditions (friendly to a small extent, full of pride) . How's that for a smart guy? man, i think i'm jealous! hahah( i'm serious)

2004-02-22T00:34:00.000+11:00

SOmething struck me awhile ago... between these two lines... " i think for the future" and with the reply, "i think for the present first". Well, without a present, would there be a future? So no matter how you prepare for the future, no matter how hard you think, you'll never fully realise that there are so many things for you to enjoy in this life, so what if you prepare so much for the future, when you can't even cope with the present properly?? It's this feeling that irritates me when someone tells me so much to think about the future, when i can't even ensure my present situation. Just put it in this perspective, if you can't even seize the day and live the day to the fullest, and yet you make plans for the future, wouldn't everything be in vain if something unfortunate happens to you and then your future plans get crushed... Fate? blame it on fate?? nah...not my cup of tea... well, say it's God's will?? i don't know, i'm not religious, so i don't agree, cause that's just another way to look at things in an optimistic prespective, and in the end, trying hard to convince your inner self to let go because it's something that's meant to be? (fate again?) ... I had to learn it the hard way... THis year, i was confident of getting another course in University, at the same time, planning on how i should pursue it and how i would end up... however when i realise i couldn't get it, everything came crumbling down like nobody's business, was damn upset, damn crushed, and felt so lost.... this made me realise that i had thought too much about the future, assuming everything in present would run smoothly...but nevertheless it back fired. I once had a religious friend who told me, turning to God was to prepare for your afterlife, and in this life, will let God lead his way of life. Well, with all do respect, is that wise enough for someone to do that? It should be left unanswered to avoid conflict with him. Well, and beautiful afterlife with not so beautiful present life..Is it still beautiful? i doubt so. Sighs.... This is not a form of religious discrimination for i did not intend for it to be. A blog is a blog of feelings afterall... What happened to Carpe diem? What happened to the Dead Poet's society??? SHould we jus ignore it and leave it to someone else to complete our life? write our story? Or should we all make it up to ourselves? Take chances, take risk and live a fulfilling life? Which one are you? Which category are you in? Do you practice what you preach? man...

2004-02-21T20:32:00.000+11:00

Uni orientation was yesterday, well, it was indeed a surprise for me. I've gotten myself into the uni world now. The subjects i have to study are just like loads and loads of heavy-content ones. DUde! i'm in for a ride of my life...well, at least that is how i think of it for now. Man, i wish life was easier than this, no worries, no limits, and no work. But as i sit through this period of time typing this blog, one thing comes to mind, what if there came a time where i could have them? and my answer: oh shit! another boring, aimless life, rotting away. What if we were happy for 1000 days? wouldn' it be tiring?? life would be so boring. and if we were all perfect, then whats the purpose of life??? we wouldn't need to do anything by then. QUoted from Am, anybody who's too perfect would be boring, and wouldn't have a life at all! well, true. I don't know. Currently i live around people who are constantly facing problems, and well, i'm definitely one of them. I guess life after all has a meaning to it. It isn't to face our imperfections, but to pick up useful stuffs on the journey and live the adventure how one may choose it. Example, Ivan. Ivan's journey is through christianity and his adventure through life is to uncover and 'receive' blessings in order to ensure his after life. (well, that's what he tells me, although at times, he might irritating for imposing, but well, accept him for who he is). Yeah, this is just one example. Another example is my sister, Stephanie. Her journey was a tough one. JUggling with kids, studies and work simultaneously. Impressive as i find it, but well, she has plunged into motherhood already, i guess those are the primary responsibilities... everyone has their own path determined by themselves, and well, ultimately the adventure in life....challenging as it is....i hope for the best, in my own journey... for i feel so down sometimes that i find it harder and harder to get up and move on....

2004-02-21T18:52:00.000+11:00

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